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Teaching Self-Soothing Gently & Gradually: A Parent’s Guide

September 21, 20255 min read

Helping your baby or toddler learn to self-soothe is one of the kindest gifts you can give them (and yourself). It doesn’t need to involve leaving them to cry or taking big leaps - gentle, gradual support works beautifully for most families.


What Is Self-Soothing?

Waking at night is completely normal - it happens to babies and adults! Self-soothing is the skill that lets your little one move from fully awake to asleep independently and resettle themselves after brief night wakings. Once they’ve learned this, they usually don’t need a parent to intervene - though little humans may still need extra reassurance sometimes, whether due to teething, illness, bad dreams, developmental leaps, or if they’re still feeding at night. For the most part, though, they can rest and settle confidently on their own.

It’s not an innate talent that every baby is born with - it’s a skill they develop gradually, and some children will naturally need more support along the way.


When to Start

  • Most babies are ready to begin learning self-settling somewhere between 5-6 months, though each baby is unique so this can vary.

  • Before this, focus on consistent bedtime with the same steps in the same order, creating rhytm and sleep cues, which will help them come to know what to expect. Creating these lovely rhythms will help your baby to feel comfortable and secure when it is time to fall asleep. After 5 months, you can gently begin to offer more opportunities to start to learn this skill.

  • From around five months, you can start gently encouraging your baby’s self-settling skills by giving them the chance to fall asleep on their own, even if it’s just the final stages at first. Each baby is unique, so observing and understanding what works best for them allows you to respond consistently with the right level of support. This approach not only helps them learn to settle independently but also strengthens their sense of security and maintains a strong, loving attachment. With patience and responsiveness, you’re guiding them toward confident, calm sleep in a way that feels nurturing for both of you


Approaches: Supportive, Responsive & Tailored

There’s no single “right” way to teach self-soothing - every child is unique. As a Sleep Nanny, I use the Sleep Sensory™ methodology as the foundation of our approach, ensuring we meet all of your baby’s sensory needs. This might include gently reducing hands-on help, offering calm verbal reassurance, staying nearby while they settle, or using short, supportive check-ins. By tuning in to what works best for your child, we can help them learn to settle confidently while feeling safe and secure.

In practice, I often use a hybrid approach, blending strategies so they suit your child’s personality, your parenting style, and the reality of your household (siblings, work, travel, teething, and more).

Your goals matter too: whether you’d like longer stretches at night, easier bedtimes, or simply less rocking and feeding, we’ll adjust the pace and techniques to make sure they’re appropriate for your family.

The golden thread is responsiveness: meeting your little one’s needs while giving them room to practise drifting off independently.


Essential Ingredients for Success

  • Predictable routine: Bath, milk, book, cuddle - the same sequence in the same steps builds security.

  • Optimal environment: Dark room, recommended temperature (Click here for Lullaby Trust recommendations), steady white noise or soft hum.

  • Right timing: Watch sleepy cues and avoid overtiredness, which makes settling harder.

  • Patience: Progress may be two steps forward, one step back. Stick with it.

  • Flexibility: Illness, teething, or travel may temporarily set things back. That’s normal.

  • Celebrate wins: Even small improvements count - a few minutes less support, a longer stretch at night.


Helpful Tips for Smoother Progress

  • Give your little one a short pause to see if they can settle before stepping in - often they surprise you!

  • Use soothing tools (rocking, feeding, cuddles) when needed, while gently encouraging more independent settling over time.

  • Keep your approach steady so your child feels secure and knows what to expect - consistency is confidence-building.


When to Reach Out for Extra Support

Sometimes a little added help makes all the difference:

  • Health checks first: If you think your baby may be uncomfortable - for example, due to reflux, an ear infection, teething, or other physical issues - it’s important to consult your GP or health visitor. While I am not a medical professional, I always carry out a thorough initial assessment to identify any potential concerns and will flag anything that may require professional medical input.

  • You’ve tried everything, and nothing seems to work: If sleep feels like a constant uphill climb despite your best efforts, it may be time for expert guidance.

  • You’d like to feel more empowered and confident: Sleep Coaching can give you practical tools and a clear plan, helping you feel calm and capable about your child’s sleep.

  • You’re looking for quicker, effective results: If you’re ready for a plan that’s right for your child - whether gentle and gradual or a more direct solution - I can help you find an approach that delivers results while keeping your child’s well-being at heart.


How I Support Families with Sleep

Parents often ask whether gentle support means progress has to be slow. The answer is: not at all. Gentle means respectful, responsive, and tailored - not endless or uncertain.

Working with a sleep coach can be the best decision you make for your family. Together, we’ll find an approach that feels right for you: whether you’d prefer a steady, nurturing journey or a faster, effective solution that brings results quickly while keeping things kind. My aim is always to leave you feeling empowered, confident, and supported, with a happier, well-rested child.

Ready to start getting better sleep for your child? You can take the first step today with a free sleep assessment to understand what’s working, what could be tweaked, and how to get your little one sleeping better.
Get your Free Assessment Here

I’m also committed to supporting safe sleep for babies and have completed The Lullaby Trust’s SIDS and Safer Sleep for Babies training on 12th September 2025. Should you want to learn more about safer sleep practices and reducing the risk of SIDS, I recommend visiting their website: The Lullaby Trust →

Infant and Child Sleep Expert, helping parents resolve their children's sleep challenges, using gentle techniques that support your child's individual learning needs.

Emma Lambert // Sleep Nanny Certificated Partner

Infant and Child Sleep Expert, helping parents resolve their children's sleep challenges, using gentle techniques that support your child's individual learning needs.

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